Have you guys ever been to a really cool party filled with interesting, intelligent people? Well tonight was like that except the party wasn't cool and the people were fucking retards. At least the music ROCKED! I'd like to share with you some questions and random conversations heard throughout the course of my evening.
This is why my job is so much fun, despite all my bitching and moaning. In what other profession are you going to hear all this hilarious shit????
**Note: why do people think that we can't hear what they're talking about? I don't understand this. I can hear EVERYTHING you fuckers say. It's called Bar Ears. And now I'm publishing all the dumb ass shit I overheard tonight. You've been warned. Suckers!!**
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| These people were so nice, I almost feel bad exploiting them. Almost. |
What do you have that's carbonated?
Where do the natives hang out? We were told there would be natives here.
What do you have to drink in here?
Can I get a t shirt? Me: Sorry we're out of t shirts. Them: But my wife is cold I want to buy a t shirt.
Can I trade this wine for a mai tai? Me: You could if you hadn't drank it already.
What kind of vodka drinks do you have?
I actually heard this guy say "come here often?' to this girl tonight!
Bartender 1: Who's Big John?
Bartender 2: You know, Big John!
Bartender 1: Oh, is he the guy that makes out with his daughter?
Bartender 2: No, that's Pervert John.
Guy: Hey that big red tweaker is coming over here. Get your silver spike and mallet ready to stake her ass when she walks in. Hurry, sharpen it.
Where's Virginia?
There's always that token fart that sets everyone off.
I want a shot of patron. Me: Here you go. Drunk girl: Whoa that's strong. I just blew my breath in my friend's face!
Drunk lady: Can get a shot of tequila? Me: what kind? Drunk lady: what, you have more than one? Me: yes, that'll be $10.
Is the moon going up or down?
I don't know whether your brother is socially retarded or just an asshole.
It's my BIRTHDAY!! **Good for you, it's still $8.**
Irritating people of the night:
People who kept calling me ma'am. And weren't southern.
People who order drinks then walk away.
People who order the same drink from both bartenders, sorry buddy now you're getting charged double!! Yeah you Mr. red t shirt!
People who yell orders at me slowly and loudly like I'm mentally challenged and/or don't speak English. I. WANT. A. BEER!!! A. BEER!!!
Seriously, you can't make this shit up!! Thank you to all my bar patrons for providing me with endless entertainment!!
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