TripAdvisor was WRONG!!!

So. It's funny because I went to work Friday night thinking "man, maybe there'll be some people that act so crazy tonight that I can write about them! That'll be perfect! No thinking involved, no unintended eavesdropping, just some real motherfucking antics that will just make my night!"
Well, it happened.
Except when it's actually happening you just want to:
1. Make these people disappear back into the Bermuda Triangle where they so obviously were spat out from.
2. Stab them in the eye with a steak knife.
3. Educate these fuckstains on not only the inner workings of the food and beverage industry but also constitutional law. (More on this in a minute).
4. All of the above
Let me begin...
So there are some tourists that think our little town and possibly our whole island is some sort of Hawaiian Disneyland. Like those of us that live and work here are all props in this pseudo shangrila wonderland Eden and only exist to serve their every whim. We don't actually inhabit a community; instead we are planted here every day solely for their pleasure and indulgences. This includes:
throwing away their garbage
dealing with their driving
answering idiotic and/or offensive questions
Oh, yes. And the topic most prevalent to this post. Waiting on them.
There are also those groups of people who, when they walk into your bar you just KNOW are going to be a pain in the ass. It's like some sort of bartender/server sixth sense. You know without a doubt that these people are gonna be rude, demanding, high maintenance pieces of shit who will do everything in their power to ruin your night. These people are usually, but not limited to, men wearing rolexes and way too much cologne accompanied by wives with big fake titties and stripper nails.
The people I'm going to tell you about now were all of these things.

This particular party of 6 walked in to our packed restaurant on Friday night and managed to grab the last table. They ordered their food and drinks at the same time from the server because they were too impatient to wait for the drinks to arrive. Fine, whatever. Mind you, the place was PACKED with a line out the door. My bar was 4 deep but we were flowing along nicely. Apparently this group had ordered pizza and entrees. Now these come from 2 separate kitchens so we always explain to people that they probably won't come out at the same time. So the salads (with the 6 different dressings on the side that they ordered) and pizza came out. This is where the fun began. Apparently it was unacceptable to these people that they had been waiting 20 minutes for their entrees. 20 minutes!! On a busy friday night with one chef in the kitchen! The server tried to joke with them and said something like "oh you should try being a waitress here and waiting for your food. It can be frustrating".
This is where the fun REALLY began. All of a sudden I see this crazy bitch come storming into the bar area and grabbed the server. She is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs so loudly that the whole place can hear her.
"How DARE you tell me I should try being a waitress?? You have NO IDEA what I do for a living!!" [By the looks of her I was guessing former exotic dancer turned trophy wife, but I could've been wrong.]
"I have been waiting 25 minutes for my FOOD!! What kind of place is this?" At this point all of my bar customers were aghast. And also rapt with attention at this psychotic harpy behaving like a spoiled 2 year old.
And then she spins around and waves her hand in a circle in front of the whole restaurant, big fake tits jiggling away, and screams "TripAdvisor was WRONG!!!!"
Ok. If this bitch had actually READ the reviews, she would know that we are not a michelin starred establishment. We are a dive bar in a one hundred year old bamboo hut on an island in the middle of nowhere that just happens to have great food.
At this point she was standing right in front of my well with her drakkar noir wearing douchebag of a husband. I just wanted the yelling to stop. She turns to one of my customers and starts screaming in his face: "I hate this place!! You shouldn't be drinking here! You should just leave right now the service is terrible and the food takes forever!"

I found a picture of her!

I resisted the urge to stab this fucking twat and said "please don't involve my customers in your drama." She turns to me and I swear to god her head started spinning around. "This is the goddamn US of A!! I can say anything I WANT! Freedom of speech!! Freedom of speech!! That is the 5th amendment of the US Constitution!! 5th amendment!!"
Uh ok. I am no lawyer but I'm pretty sure the 5th amendment protects people from being held for committing a crime unless they are properly indicted. But I could be wrong.
Finally, after refusing to pay for anything (of course) they left, obscenities being hurled left and right at my poor customers.
As they were leaving, everyone in the place started clapping and cheering.
I even heard one of my tourist customers yell "go back to the St. Regis where you belong!"

It amazes me that people can fucking act this way! Do they do this everywhere they go?