Wow, you look busy, can I have...ummmm...hmmmm....wait...What's the fish of the day? (who fucking knows or puts fish in a drink?)
What tropical drinks do you have that aren't sweet?
What's in a mojito? (You don't need to know, because I do not make them!)
We are eating here later.
Do I need to pay you?
I payed for it, why can't I take it to the beach?
Sugar rim. (Fuck you douchebag, unless I see you LICKING every granule off that glass you are NOT getting another one!!)
Where is my straw?
Just a water I've been drinking ALL day
I know the owner
I'll have a rye
I'll have a Bloody Caesar. (Ok have you noticed it's only Canadians who order this repulsive drink??? What is up with this? If I actually HAD clam juice behind my bar and had to serve it I would literally throw up in said drink. Who the fuck drinks clam juice anyway?? Plus I'm really going to go out of my way to make you a disgusting bloody vagina clam thingy when you're going to leave me 5%??
Go back to Saskatchewan, eh!!)
So where is the beach?
I hate this place, what do you do for fun? In blank blank blank we do it this way. Who the fuck cares about blank blank? If it's that shitty why the fuck are you here on vacation??
By the way Canadians, 5% is an insult, not a tip.
Californians: Just send your money on one of your far superior planes and then you won't have to suffer through the discomfort most people know as Paradise. Leave your ideas in your fucked up state.
Alaskans. You're cool.
Do you have grey goose on Happy Hour? Maybe a nice Malbec? Well, that's what I want. (Yeah but you're a cheap prick and that's why you're here for Happy Hour. How about a shitty chardonnay that's on Happy Hour? Oh that one's actually pretty good. Yeah. I thought so. Loser. )
Can I taste every draft beer you have? No I don't like any of these I'll take a cranberry and some ice cubes with some vodka.
What's in a mai tai?
How old are you?
Are you old enough to be serving me this beer?
I'm 21 I promise.
Can I get a ketel with 2 ice cubes? No that's too many. (This is when I proceed to pick an ice cube out of the well with my hand and drop it into the glass. 2 ice cubes. You're a fuckstain.)
I left my card here last night. Hey, there is no way my tab was that much. I didn't have this many drinks. (Really, douchebag?? I'm pretty sure that when I don't drink too much I take all of my personal possessions with me. But hey, that's just me.)
I'd like a beer.
I'd like a well.
I want a double Johnny Walker Black. I only drink good scotch. That'll be $19. $19??? Are you kidding me? What's your well? House of Stuart. Ok well I'll take that. "$19 dollars." These native people.
Oh, I could go on and on!
**Thank you to my good friend and fellow bartender The Lion for helping with this contribution.
3 comments:
Wow, I lived in Anahola, off and on, for 5 years and this shit is priceless. Hell, we may know each other. I know you just started this blog, but please don't stop. Lord knows the fools that visit that island give you enough ammunition on a daily basis to build a massive database of painful bullshit that only bartenders in the tropics will ever truly understand. It's helping us bartenders stay sane back here in the "states."
Cheers!
I hate everyone! It doesn't matter where you are. Those damn Canadians ruin everything with their dumb ass accents and their non-tipping ways.
Once again priceless! And I quite agree with everything: especially that Canadians can ruin a night and Alaskans can make it great! Keep it up :)
Post a Comment